This, that, and the other

It's been a while of silence, some dreary songs played repetively and some intense searching.  My natural tendensy is of curiousity and searching, but i think in this case, all the searching in the world wouldn't bring the answers i'm looking for.  Hopefully time will.  I certainly like blogging, and it's a hell of alot easier blogging my journies throughout the world.  My lackluster turned life isn't a whole lot to blog about, but i'll keep up the blog because i like it and my life will sparkle with luster again with out doubt.

I've consciously lived my life with intent and forward thinking.  I am no longer bouncing from Italy to Spain to the Netherlands, nor am a meeting a plethora of fun and exciting people.  Now I am sitting at a desk from 8:00 - 4:30, which i clearly had not intended on doing.  After breaking my pelvis and my collar bone (at the same time), i spend a bit of time (or alot of time) woundering about the plan i'd clearly set out for myself.  While doing that i was also wishing i was one of those people who shrug these things off and bounce back and keep on keeping on.  I tend to think things happen for a reason, one door closes a new one opens ect ect.  With breaking those bones at the end of April, it's certainly thrown a big wrench in my whole plan, not to mention i wasn't over my last accident.  Thrown in to the mix of circumstances was the high death rate of pro-cyclists this season.  I don't believe in fear based thinking, but i do believe in reality and gratefulness.  What is for certain is i am grateful for my life, and my full recovery from both accidents.  With a mid-season accident, I was no longer 'busy', ambitiously motivated and driven.  Simply put, you can't really be when your using several forms of crutchs to get around.  Essentially that freed up alot of time to consider what i want my life to look like.  Even if i did all the goal setting, lists and motivational quotes on the mirror, I would be riding back into fitness around the end of August - lining me up for a few European races.  That option was quite an investment for an already hand to mouth lifestyle.  Also mindful of not taking my body forgranted.  Options and independance are far too important to me.  I have a deep love for cycling and a deep love for life.  It seems time will hopefully bring some type of clarity.  Obviously i would never have chosen this for myself, and we never do, but i suppose it does offer it's benefits.  I hope my option to race again is just as vibrant as other options.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your messages and comments.  Don't go too far my dear readers, my blog will sparkle again ;-)

-Alison